Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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