I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
