Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
