When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize