I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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