Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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