I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
