my mouth tastes like poor choices
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize