Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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