My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
