Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I could fuck to npr.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize