It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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