If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
