All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
