No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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