no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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