Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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