Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
