What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All the doctor said was why
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
