made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
