the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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