I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize