I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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