so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
