A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
