i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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