I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
