Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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