Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
