upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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