In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
