fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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