My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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