she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
