I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
