Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
