dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
