Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
