Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
