youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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