a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
