people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
