Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
