closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
