If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
