sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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