Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
