mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
