..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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