Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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