He is such a slut. More and more my type.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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