I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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