I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Floor bacon is actually really good
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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