GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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