After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
