We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
