Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
