Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
