What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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