Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
