dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
