Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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