I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
