"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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