I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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