i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
