Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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