May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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