i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
