i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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