did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
