How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
