im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
