I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
