He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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