Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
