i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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