My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
