Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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